What do I say?......................
No, seriously what do I say? You know… forget that, what do I do?
I am and always have
been a blade, a weapon; and until I found the Aegis I had no sheath, no home.
When Amadeus asked me on as part of the crew, I stepped on board and knew immediately
that this was where I was supposed to be.
It was her home too.
I see one of my best
friends there, and I try to get to her, but I can’t. Again, I am helpless, and
it wasn't because of my speed or strength or sight.
For the first time it was my mind that failed me.
I flopped out of the room.
All I needed was to be able to point-to-point.
My brain has four lobes;
I am able to section off parts of my mental processing power to do various
activities at once. One part is always designing, creating, inventing. Another
is allocated to equations, mathematics, numbers. There is even have a small
part of my brain partitioned off to play a funny human game called “chess” with
Frank, the lead engineer.
I have devoted the entirety of my mind to that moment.
“Saarra my swords!” That’s the last thing I
said to her, my swords are my life-line; They are me. Mirror soul turns my swords
into a reflection of me, the blades I wield mirror me and are a symbol of
everything that I am. They are me. Telling Saarra to take my swords was like
offering my soul to her… haha, now that I think of it that’s probably the closest
I have ever come to a confession of love for a woman in my life.
They are me.
She looked at me, for a
brief second, you know… it was probably just because I point-to-pointed her……..
but……………..
If she could have just gotten to my swords.
If I could have stopped the virus.
If I could have gotten my swords to her.
If I hadn't have called her down to the med-lab.
If I could have hacked him back.
If I could have given her my swords… a sword.
My first invention on
the Aegis was the Reanimator Bot. The
first test subject lie screaming on the ground, and Saarra walked in. She
looked at the guy on the ground, Amadeus, Honk, then me and said “You know, I
could help you with that.” She was one of my best friends from that moment on.
I loved to constantly poke fun at her, an off comment here or an innuendo
there, just to make her uncomfortable.
She’d give me that look.
Mainly I’d do it as a
way to show … affection? Friendship? Support? Probably it was just to be a
pain, the kind of annoying that only comes from a family that has your back.
I keep replaying that
moment in my head, over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and over and over and over and over and over.
It’s probably not the
moment you’re thinking of; I see her standing in front of that monster and he
asks: “Do you love Amadeus!?”
She hesitates.
She is supposed to say “No,”
all of her programming, protocol, alliances, affiliations, and influences drive
her to say “no”…….. but she doesn't.
I see the future in an epiphany
of mental clarity, I see the possibilities, and it is all torn away in the
single stroke of a sword, the image of her falling in twain overshadowing the
image of her hesitation to negate her feelings.
My clairvoyance is clouded by sheer horror and disbelief…
then blind rage.
I've been standing here
for weeks, and all I’ve truly come to comprehend is that I really do in fact have
a soul. I haven’t had a heart for years now, but my sister… my crew-mate… my
friend… is gone.
And my heart hurts like hell.
